Cats Can Teach Us About Care Giving

Are you a member of the "Sandwich Generation?" Trying to raise your children while taking care of your aging parents? Taking care of a parent, or a disabled spouse or child can be difficult, exhausting, and confusing. Some of the confusion can be eliminated if you realize that there are three different stages to care giving: crisis, long term, and terminal. Crisis care giving requires that you become like a cat.

Once, when I was very sick the family cat came to call. She jumped up on the bed., sniffed around my face and meowed at me, and then proceeded to lie down between my feet. She began to purr. For the next three days she camped out on my bed. Sometimes, she would walk up on my body, lie down on my chest, and purr while I petted her between the ears and talked to her. To my surprise she never nipped or dug her claws into me. However, she did not stay with me all the time. This was good because when she left I could sleep better!

The cat was providing what I call "a ministry of presence." Typically, crisis care giving is required when someone is hospitalized. Such a person is probably in a state of physical and emotional shock. The patient may be heavily sedated, unable to talk or may even be unconscious.

Even if your loved one is unconscious, be like this cat. Say "Hello," and let him or her know that you are there. Make your physical presence be known. Hand holding is more important than words. Settle down and plan to stay for a long time.

Purr. Bring something to read out loud. A favorite children's book is the best! Bring photos and talk about good times. Pray.

Be like this cat when she sat on my chest and put on her listening ears. Good listening begins with asking good questions. Instead of asking, "How are you?" ask, "What do you feel like?" Ask for clarification. Encouraging someone to talk while you listen is healing.

This is not the time for pious spirituality. Don't say, "God never gives us more than we can handle," or "It could be worse." Nothing can be more irritating than having a loved one try to minimize your pains and anxieties. Such comments may feel like a cat digging her claws into you.

Finally, don't hang around all the time. Give your loved one a chance to rest and sleep without you watching.