"Good Relationships are Worth Fighting For"
It may seem sacrilegious to ask on the Saturday before Mother's Day - but is your relationship with your mother healthy? What about your relationship with your father, your spouse, your children, your in-laws, and other significant others? If your relationships are sick, you will show the symptoms of the 'mental flu", and it is extremely contagious. Moreover, if you suffer from a physical disease or chronic pain, and your family relationships are unhealthy as well, you will have even more pain, suffer more, have less energy, feel more distress, feel stuck in a rut, and often feel more distance from God. Unfortunately, there is no magic pill you can take or give to someone else which will cure those problems. However, there is hope! Here are six tips:
- Face the facts. Things can not get better unless you examine what is wrong and define exactly what changes would help you feel better.
- Change the dance: In every dance, one partner has the lead. If you are dancing a dance you hate, then you must take the lead and change your step. Your partner may struggle, but will follow if you remain firm.
- Cut Loose: Christians don't like to talk about cutting loose. But love does not cure everything or everyone. Sometimes breaking off a relationship may save your soul.
- Let Go and Let God: If someone has hurt you, or continues to hurt you, you must cleanse your soul before your wounds will heal. Forgiveness is the best disinfectant. Sometimes you can't get a person to admit to wrongs. Sometimes that person may have passed on. If you can't get satisfaction - let it go.
- Love somebody who really likes you: We don't get to choose our parents or our children, but we can choose our friends. A good friend is one who doubles your joy and divides your sorrow in half.
- Tap into your inner mother: Even if you did not have an ideal mother, you certainly can imagine what she would be like. You can imagine how she would treat you and what she would say and do. This is your inner mother and you should visit and talk with her often. Allow her to relieve your anxiety, give you good advise, and build up your self esteem. It may seem like you are playing a mind game, but if it makes you feel better to pet a cat, or a dog, or to tell your troubles to the birds, then why not talk to the mother God put inside you?
Dr. Greene is an ordained minister of the United Church of Christ and a resident of Richmond, IN. He is also the author of Feeling Better: The Wisdom of the Doc, You Can Feel Better: How to cope with chronic pain and physical disabilities, and co-author of Walking Free: the Nellie Zimmerman Story.
For further information about his books, please visit www.densmorereid.com
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