Caring for the Terminally Ill Can Be a Rich Experience

One day I received word that a woman had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. She was a widow and lived alone in her apartment.

When I knocked on the door, I was surprised to hear someone say, "Who is it? Who is it?"
"It's Reverend Greene. Sir." I answered.
"Come on in! The door is open."
When I opened the door, a large redheaded parrot flew toward me and led the way to the woman's bedside, saying "Follow me. Follow me."
As the gray haired woman, who was sitting up in her hospital bed, raised her arm the bird landed on it, proceeded to walk up to her shoulder, turned, stared at me with unblinking eyes, and said, "Would you like a candy? Would you like a candy?"

The parrot was not only this woman's constant companion, but she had trained him to be a perfect host. The bird illustrates two of the most important aspects of care giving for the terminally ill: providing companionship and hospitality.

Being called upon to be the caregiver for someone with a terminal illness may fill you with confusion and mixed emotions - but it does not have to be a sad time. Your goal should be to make this a very rich time.

Resolve to be hospitable. If at all possible, bring your loved one home. Coordinate visits and, like the parrot, play the host.

Identify with your loved one. Being told in no uncertain terms that you are going to die will set off an emotional avalanche. It may feel as if you just learned that your best friend is dead. You may be in shock, feel numb, and refuse to believe it. At this point some people fight back and sometimes even go into remission. But if the disease progresses, other feelings will probably emerge: anger, fear and sadness.

Be of good courage as you walk together through this “Valley of the shadow of death.” The sun will shine bright and clear again when your loved one begins to come to a point of peace with his or her fate.

Be helpful to the peacemaking process. Encourage your loved one to give away treasures, heal broken relationships, and give his or her blessings. Encourage family members and friends to give the dying person permission to stop the fight to stay in this world. As death approaches expect to see a sign of God's presence: news of a birth, an engagement, a card from a long lost friend, a vision of light, music or heaven, lifting your loved one's spirit.
 

Dr. Greene is an ordained minister of the United Church of Christ and a resident of Richmond, IN. He is also the author of Benjamin's Dog Joseph, Feeling Better: The Wisdom of the Doc, You Can Feel Better: How to cope with chronic pain and physical disabilities, and co-author of Walking Free: the Nellie Zimmerman Story.

For further information about his books, please visit www.densmorereid.com

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